student: not to be offensive or anything...but it smells like kitty litter in here.
me: oh, i'm not offended. oh, but you know, i did put on my kitty litter perfume this morning.


(As I'm biting into my apple)
student: can I have that apple?
me: i just put my mouth on it.
student: we can share it. i only have herpes, so it's nothing serious.