Mid-winter Highlights

This semester has been a whirlwind. I know my kids have said TONS of really weird and funny things, I, unfortunately, have done a poor job at recording them.

Here are some things that I can remember and that are fresh on my mind:

1. Today I told a group of kids:
"You can practice licking your nostrils after you complete your work"


2. In 4th block Geo, one of my students (jokingly) asked: Why do you hate me?
My response? [pretending to read from a piece of paper] A reenactment of 10 Things I Hate About You when Kat (Julia Stiles) reads her poem about Patrick (Heath Ledger) to the class. You know, "I hate it, I hate the way your talk to me...But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even a little bit. Not even at all!!" I pretended to run out of the room crying.
Got a small applause from the class.


3. I teach an after school credit completion Geometry class until Spring Break. It's basically like summer school during the school year. It's kind of fun because it's a pretty random group of kids, so I've gotten to build new relationships, which is always a plus.

On Wednesday, I was helping a student at my desk, so I pulled over a chair. He went back to his desk, but sat on it instead of in a chair. I asked if he wanted his chair back. Here's what follows:

Student: No. I'm okay.
Me: Okay, well I'm going to put it by you just in case.
Student: What, every chair has a home?

So, (naturally) I begin to sing to sing to my student, "Every chair has its home" to the tune of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" by Poison. I included a little bit about how every desk has its own classroom.

Totally weirded the boy out.

Starting the new year off right

A boy talking about how Chuck Norris kicked an '8' and turned it into infinity distracts me so I say this to the class:

me: Nothing is impossible for Chuck Norris

Another boy: Yeah, well, what about stapling Jell-O to a brick wall while giving birth to a shark?!

I had nothing to refute that comment.

professional dress

Girl: Ms. Ebberts, I have a question for you.
Me: Sure, what is it?
Girl: Well, I'm afraid you might get offended.
Me: Oh no. What is it? Go ahead and ask.
Girl: Are you AMISH?
Me: Why, no, I'm not Amish. What gave you that idea?
Girl: You always cover yourself up with your clothes. Like, when you're wearing that one colorful dress, you put jeans underneath. You just don't show enough skin.

Potty time?

I gave a test about congruent triangles in Geometry today. Here's a conversation that happened in the midst of 3rd block:

boy: Ms. Ebberts, can I go to the bathroom?
me: Sure
boy: Uh, can I take my test with me so I don't waste any time?
me (trying to keep a straight face and not laugh at this boy): no

It was really hard not to laugh since all my kids were focused on their test and very quiet and I didn't want to be the distraction. It was equally hard to keep an unemotional face as the boy returned from the restroom a while later.

He was the last student in the class to finish the test.

Never a dull moment

Here's a conversation that occurred between me and several students in my 4th block Geometry class today. Of my 5 classes, they by far have the most personality.

[Girl walks in eating a lemon pastry]

me: you know, I'm not a huge fan of lemon flavored things.
boy #1: WHAT?! Not even Lemon Pledge?!?!
me: well, okay, I'm not a huge fan of lemon things except for Pledge
boy #2: yeah, I like to eat mine with wheat bread
me: hmm, yeah, I'd have to say I prefer to at least spray mine on a wood surface and then lick it off
pastry girl: what are you guys talking about?
me: how we like to eat Lemon Pledge
me: so boy #1, how do you like your Pledge?
boy #1: straight from the can


Later in class, boy #1 challenged me to a dance off. Also, boy #2 has told me he will pay me $15 to sing an entire class period.

I promise, I do teach my kids things.

November 1

boy student: MS. EBBERTS, ARE YOU GOING TO DO 'NO SHAVE NOVEMBER'?!?!?!?!?!

girl student: Yeah, are you? Are gym teacher last year didn't shave her legs and wore shorts everyday. It was disgusting.

me: No, I'm not going to participate

[Now, at this point, the kids are all over the place, the entire class is talking and I am trying to get class started for the day. So I do what I can to get their attention...]

me (saying this in a very serious, get down to business voice): Hey folks, listen, I need your attention. Folks, listen up please.

[Class is now quiet]

me: Listen, I only participate in "Mustache March." So, you can look for my stache then.

Happy November!!

Timekeeper

So, the clock on the wall wasn't working in my room. The teacher who's in there 2nd block (since I share a room) had taken it down when it was my turn to use the room.

3rd block: the lack of clock goes unnoticed.

4th block: cannot stand that there is no clock on the wall. they ask several times about where the clock is, why it's not hanging, what time it is, etc.

I try to explain to the class that it would bug them more to look at a clock that was the wrong time and didn't tick than to have a missing one, but they were persistent.

So I did what any teacher would do: I taped the clock to my lanyard that I keep my keys on and hung it around my neck and proceeded on with the lesson.

They called me Flava Flav for the rest of the hour and said I needed to get a grill. Someone also mentioned that I would look good with viking horns.