Starting the new year off right

A boy talking about how Chuck Norris kicked an '8' and turned it into infinity distracts me so I say this to the class:

me: Nothing is impossible for Chuck Norris

Another boy: Yeah, well, what about stapling Jell-O to a brick wall while giving birth to a shark?!

I had nothing to refute that comment.

professional dress

Girl: Ms. Ebberts, I have a question for you.
Me: Sure, what is it?
Girl: Well, I'm afraid you might get offended.
Me: Oh no. What is it? Go ahead and ask.
Girl: Are you AMISH?
Me: Why, no, I'm not Amish. What gave you that idea?
Girl: You always cover yourself up with your clothes. Like, when you're wearing that one colorful dress, you put jeans underneath. You just don't show enough skin.

Potty time?

I gave a test about congruent triangles in Geometry today. Here's a conversation that happened in the midst of 3rd block:

boy: Ms. Ebberts, can I go to the bathroom?
me: Sure
boy: Uh, can I take my test with me so I don't waste any time?
me (trying to keep a straight face and not laugh at this boy): no

It was really hard not to laugh since all my kids were focused on their test and very quiet and I didn't want to be the distraction. It was equally hard to keep an unemotional face as the boy returned from the restroom a while later.

He was the last student in the class to finish the test.

Never a dull moment

Here's a conversation that occurred between me and several students in my 4th block Geometry class today. Of my 5 classes, they by far have the most personality.

[Girl walks in eating a lemon pastry]

me: you know, I'm not a huge fan of lemon flavored things.
boy #1: WHAT?! Not even Lemon Pledge?!?!
me: well, okay, I'm not a huge fan of lemon things except for Pledge
boy #2: yeah, I like to eat mine with wheat bread
me: hmm, yeah, I'd have to say I prefer to at least spray mine on a wood surface and then lick it off
pastry girl: what are you guys talking about?
me: how we like to eat Lemon Pledge
me: so boy #1, how do you like your Pledge?
boy #1: straight from the can


Later in class, boy #1 challenged me to a dance off. Also, boy #2 has told me he will pay me $15 to sing an entire class period.

I promise, I do teach my kids things.

November 1

boy student: MS. EBBERTS, ARE YOU GOING TO DO 'NO SHAVE NOVEMBER'?!?!?!?!?!

girl student: Yeah, are you? Are gym teacher last year didn't shave her legs and wore shorts everyday. It was disgusting.

me: No, I'm not going to participate

[Now, at this point, the kids are all over the place, the entire class is talking and I am trying to get class started for the day. So I do what I can to get their attention...]

me (saying this in a very serious, get down to business voice): Hey folks, listen, I need your attention. Folks, listen up please.

[Class is now quiet]

me: Listen, I only participate in "Mustache March." So, you can look for my stache then.

Happy November!!

Timekeeper

So, the clock on the wall wasn't working in my room. The teacher who's in there 2nd block (since I share a room) had taken it down when it was my turn to use the room.

3rd block: the lack of clock goes unnoticed.

4th block: cannot stand that there is no clock on the wall. they ask several times about where the clock is, why it's not hanging, what time it is, etc.

I try to explain to the class that it would bug them more to look at a clock that was the wrong time and didn't tick than to have a missing one, but they were persistent.

So I did what any teacher would do: I taped the clock to my lanyard that I keep my keys on and hung it around my neck and proceeded on with the lesson.

They called me Flava Flav for the rest of the hour and said I needed to get a grill. Someone also mentioned that I would look good with viking horns.

quote of the week

This past school week was Homecoming (theme "Coast to Coast"). Each day had a different destination and the staff was encouraged to dress for each. Thursday was "Naples Day" (dress like a retiree). Which to me translated into "Wear Gym Shorts, T-shirt, and Slippers and Get Away With It Day." So I walked around all day in a robe and slippers and what was ultimately my pajamas with a coffee cup full of water. Hands down most comfortable day of school ever.



Former student: Eeebs!! Your legs are pretty white for being a runner.