Wow. It's been a while!
Well, it's officially SUMMER!! I finished my fourth year of teaching, and BOY, do I LOVE IT!!!!

So, this year/semester were a whirlwind.

Here's what you need to know:
I convinced my second block class that I was a professional hand model before I switched to being a teacher. I even googled pictures of hands to show them.

It's been a while

Well, hard to believe we're into second semester! Wowee! Let me start by saying, I have no idea how me and my students get SO off topic, but regardless, it happens, and I embrace it and still find myself laughing daily at my kiddos.

Haven't been great about recording what they've said. But here are some funny happenings that I can remember from first semester:

Background info: there was a dead cricket in the corner of my classroom.
Student #1: Ms. Ebberts, there's a dead cricket over here.
Student #2: Why are there crickets in your room?
Me: How many of you are familiar with hunting?
(a few kids raised their hands)
Me: Okay, well you know how they spray deer urine around themselves to attract the deer?
Class: yeah
Me: Well, I sprayed the perimeter of my room with cricket urine, to attract crickets to my room.


Background info: Homecoming Week. The spirit day was "Purple." So, I used this opportunity to wear my purple panda sweatshirt and jeans
Student: Um...Ms. Ebberts...can I ask you a question? (in the middle of my lesson)
Me: Sure. What's up?
Student: Um...is that panda on your shirt giving birth?
Me: I don't think so. I think it's just eating bamboo
Student: Oh, okay, sorry. It just looked kind of weird.
For the rest of the class period. I could see my students' eyes darting towards the crotch of the panda on my shirt. It is kind of questionable from afar.

Back to School

It's that time of year again. Yep, that's right, it's time for "guess how hold Ms. Ebberts is" game.

Well, I never know how it begins, but someone always starts talking about how old I am.

I mainly got in the 30s. Lots of guesses for ages in between 37 and 32.

So, I decided to have a little fun...

Me: okay, I'll give you a hint. I was born before 1996 (which is the year most of them were born) and after 1963.

Class: WAIT! What?!

Boy (yells): that means she was baptized!

Then he looks directly at me and says, "right? Isn't like that the way that people say they have two births and are like reborn?"

I don't remember exactly what my response was but I know what I wanted to say: yes, you can be reborn through belief in Jesus. But I figured that probably goes against the whole separation of church and state, so I just laughed and did an example of applying linear pairs and vertical angles to the class instead.

Random quotes

Me: Have you guys ever seen Mean Girls?

Boys: No

Me: Oh, you should watch it, it's really funny. It's not a girly movie, it's for boys too.

Boy: Yeah, that's what my mom said about Steel Magnolias, too. She lied.

 

Boy: "Did you guys know Vietnam was an actually country?"

 

I'm standing in front of the classroom teaching:
Boy: Are you always this physically blessed when you stand in front of the room, Ms. Ebberts?


Girl: I'm going to set you up with this guy I know. He lives in Mexico and started an orphanage. I think you'll like him, he's REALLY Christian.

Spring Update

I ate a neon pink gummy bunny that tasted the way trash smells today.
After I spit the candy, I offered the bag of candy to one of my (former) students.He accepted, then convinced me to try a different color.
The purple ones taste like cough syrup.


Me and a few students got to talking about Pokemon in Geometry. So, I said something about Jiggly Puff and proceeded to teach. Well, this is first block, so sometimes the coffee that I have before school makes me say and do weird things. So, in the midst of giving my class notes, I turn to them in the middle of a sentence and yell, "PI-KA-CHUUUUUUUUUUUU"

Mid-winter Highlights

This semester has been a whirlwind. I know my kids have said TONS of really weird and funny things, I, unfortunately, have done a poor job at recording them.

Here are some things that I can remember and that are fresh on my mind:

1. Today I told a group of kids:
"You can practice licking your nostrils after you complete your work"


2. In 4th block Geo, one of my students (jokingly) asked: Why do you hate me?
My response? [pretending to read from a piece of paper] A reenactment of 10 Things I Hate About You when Kat (Julia Stiles) reads her poem about Patrick (Heath Ledger) to the class. You know, "I hate it, I hate the way your talk to me...But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even a little bit. Not even at all!!" I pretended to run out of the room crying.
Got a small applause from the class.


3. I teach an after school credit completion Geometry class until Spring Break. It's basically like summer school during the school year. It's kind of fun because it's a pretty random group of kids, so I've gotten to build new relationships, which is always a plus.

On Wednesday, I was helping a student at my desk, so I pulled over a chair. He went back to his desk, but sat on it instead of in a chair. I asked if he wanted his chair back. Here's what follows:

Student: No. I'm okay.
Me: Okay, well I'm going to put it by you just in case.
Student: What, every chair has a home?

So, (naturally) I begin to sing to sing to my student, "Every chair has its home" to the tune of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" by Poison. I included a little bit about how every desk has its own classroom.

Totally weirded the boy out.

Starting the new year off right

A boy talking about how Chuck Norris kicked an '8' and turned it into infinity distracts me so I say this to the class:

me: Nothing is impossible for Chuck Norris

Another boy: Yeah, well, what about stapling Jell-O to a brick wall while giving birth to a shark?!

I had nothing to refute that comment.

professional dress

Girl: Ms. Ebberts, I have a question for you.
Me: Sure, what is it?
Girl: Well, I'm afraid you might get offended.
Me: Oh no. What is it? Go ahead and ask.
Girl: Are you AMISH?
Me: Why, no, I'm not Amish. What gave you that idea?
Girl: You always cover yourself up with your clothes. Like, when you're wearing that one colorful dress, you put jeans underneath. You just don't show enough skin.

Potty time?

I gave a test about congruent triangles in Geometry today. Here's a conversation that happened in the midst of 3rd block:

boy: Ms. Ebberts, can I go to the bathroom?
me: Sure
boy: Uh, can I take my test with me so I don't waste any time?
me (trying to keep a straight face and not laugh at this boy): no

It was really hard not to laugh since all my kids were focused on their test and very quiet and I didn't want to be the distraction. It was equally hard to keep an unemotional face as the boy returned from the restroom a while later.

He was the last student in the class to finish the test.

Never a dull moment

Here's a conversation that occurred between me and several students in my 4th block Geometry class today. Of my 5 classes, they by far have the most personality.

[Girl walks in eating a lemon pastry]

me: you know, I'm not a huge fan of lemon flavored things.
boy #1: WHAT?! Not even Lemon Pledge?!?!
me: well, okay, I'm not a huge fan of lemon things except for Pledge
boy #2: yeah, I like to eat mine with wheat bread
me: hmm, yeah, I'd have to say I prefer to at least spray mine on a wood surface and then lick it off
pastry girl: what are you guys talking about?
me: how we like to eat Lemon Pledge
me: so boy #1, how do you like your Pledge?
boy #1: straight from the can


Later in class, boy #1 challenged me to a dance off. Also, boy #2 has told me he will pay me $15 to sing an entire class period.

I promise, I do teach my kids things.

November 1

boy student: MS. EBBERTS, ARE YOU GOING TO DO 'NO SHAVE NOVEMBER'?!?!?!?!?!

girl student: Yeah, are you? Are gym teacher last year didn't shave her legs and wore shorts everyday. It was disgusting.

me: No, I'm not going to participate

[Now, at this point, the kids are all over the place, the entire class is talking and I am trying to get class started for the day. So I do what I can to get their attention...]

me (saying this in a very serious, get down to business voice): Hey folks, listen, I need your attention. Folks, listen up please.

[Class is now quiet]

me: Listen, I only participate in "Mustache March." So, you can look for my stache then.

Happy November!!

Timekeeper

So, the clock on the wall wasn't working in my room. The teacher who's in there 2nd block (since I share a room) had taken it down when it was my turn to use the room.

3rd block: the lack of clock goes unnoticed.

4th block: cannot stand that there is no clock on the wall. they ask several times about where the clock is, why it's not hanging, what time it is, etc.

I try to explain to the class that it would bug them more to look at a clock that was the wrong time and didn't tick than to have a missing one, but they were persistent.

So I did what any teacher would do: I taped the clock to my lanyard that I keep my keys on and hung it around my neck and proceeded on with the lesson.

They called me Flava Flav for the rest of the hour and said I needed to get a grill. Someone also mentioned that I would look good with viking horns.

quote of the week

This past school week was Homecoming (theme "Coast to Coast"). Each day had a different destination and the staff was encouraged to dress for each. Thursday was "Naples Day" (dress like a retiree). Which to me translated into "Wear Gym Shorts, T-shirt, and Slippers and Get Away With It Day." So I walked around all day in a robe and slippers and what was ultimately my pajamas with a coffee cup full of water. Hands down most comfortable day of school ever.



Former student: Eeebs!! Your legs are pretty white for being a runner.

i gots tape worms

I am a math tutor. So, every 1st block on A-days, I get to help kids with their homework and help them study. It's really stressful, but also really fun, because there are some Calculus students that come in and we get to talk derivatives and what not.
I have my 'regulars.' I look forward to them because they aren't my own, but I've gotten to know them pretty well already over the course of the school year.

Here's a conversation between some of my Algebra 2 boys that come in:

Boy 1: You're a wrestler, you probably get ring worm or a staph infection or something
Boy 2: Nah, man, that's gross.
Me: Well, hey, at least that's better than tape worms, right?
Boy 1: No, I think I got those
Me (laughing): What? You do not have tape worms.
Boy 1: Yes, I do, I seriously think I have tape worms.


Anyway, I find this conversation really funny, because, well, I'm pretty fascinated tape worms. The idea of them are really gross, but I was really curious once in college and I ate one...No, actually, I just did a bit of research on them. Enough about worms.

Week in Review

This week I:

learned the word "Hermbes" (pronounced "herms") means "greatly struggling" and can be used in a phrase such as, "Ms. Ebberts, I'm hermbes-ing right now."

claimed September 14th was "National Cheese Product Day" and that I wore Pancake scented deodorant (and my kids believed me)

ran with a pile of mud on my head.

was chased (and attacked) by former students with shaving cream.

played a dice rolling game where the loser had to take 2 Ex-Lax pills before they went to sleep.

Just a typical day at school:

boy: Uh, Ms. Ebberts, how come your shoes never match your outfit? (khaki shorts and a green Rock Bridge t-shirt)
me: You don't think this matches? I like my colorful shoes (red peeptoe flats).
boy: no
me: You'll find that I don't really own a normal color of shoe. I like to mix it up.
boy: So, can we buy you some new clothes?

[sidenote: after class, I learned this student intends to go college for fashion design. So, I suppose he was justified in his inquiries]


girl: ms. ebberts, do you know how to get crisco out of hair?
me: hmm...no...why? do you have crisco in your hair?
girl: yeah, some boy put it in my hair while we were playing volleyball last night.
me: well, let me go look it up.

SO, while my kids were working on graphing stuff, I go to my desk and google: "how to get crisco out of your hair." and wouldn't you know, there are answers: baking soda and water or apple cider vinegar. I then proceeded back to the girl and decided to sit down at her group. I proceeded to tell my students about my own experience of conditioning my hair with mayonnaise. it was quite the bonding experience.

I'm 24

So, my students like knowing how old I am. They ask. I usually respond with, "How old you think I am?" I've mentioned this before last school year and I usually will get responses between 27 and 35. But, I'm revisiting the issue because today was an especially funny "Guess Ms. Ebberts' Age".

Well, my new students start yelling (literally) out ages. I, of course, have no reaction to any number they say.

boy:"Will you tell us if it's too high or low?"
girl: "45"
me: "That is WAY too low"
other boy: "after you tell us your age, will you tell us your weight, too?"

Then, the light-bulbs go off in their heads: Ask Mickey. He had Ms. Ebberts last year, he'll know. (You see, he didn't pass either semester last year. I am the only teacher who teaches this particular course at my school, therefore, Mickey gets the privilege of being in my class again)

So, in my mind I'm thinking "Aw, man, the game's over. Mickey's going to tell them I'm 24." BUT then, I hear him telling his group members, "She's either 32 or 33. Somewhere in there." (and he's serious about this. I find this really humorous because Mickey witnessed several of these same debates last year in which I told them my actual age)

me: "Fine, Mickey, tell the class my age"
He does.
class: "So which one is it?! 32 or 33?!??!" (they really are yelling)
I just smile
class: "YOU'RE 32!!!!"

Now I'm laughing and continue back with the lesson.


Earlier on in the day:

me: "Do you all have any questions for me? Anything I can help you with?"
student: "Do you think chinchillas are soft?"
me: "Well, I don't know. I've never touched one. Martha Stewart grows them"
other student: "She grows them? From like a plant?"
me: "Well, I mean she raises them. They roll around in dirt and don't take baths or something like that"
another student: "Wait. Chinchillas grow on trees?"
me: "Yes. You've never heard of the chinchilla plant?"

school

Well, almost finished with full week #2 at school, and it's all a blur.
I'm getting close to knowing the names of all my kids, but there's still some that I find ways to avoid calling them by name (not good).

I cannot recall any memorable phrases from my new students. But, I did have one ask me to dance for the class today because he heard from my former students that I had 'cold moves.' I guess that's good? Anyway, my reply was, "You know, I just have to feel it, the moves just kind of come to me, and I'm not feelin' it right now."

summer

Well, teacher meetings start tomorrow. I meet my new kids on Thursday. I am hoping my students will be funny this year so I can talk about them here.

Until then, here are some of my favorite pictures of the summer:

my cat, gizmo. her favorite activities include sleeping and scratching people.


i tried to get a 'candid' photo of my brother and sister while we were out to eat.


i have never been good at snapping the headshots of me and another person.


my grandparents, pretty much the coolest people ever. i found out that my grandpa help the world record for 'most situps in a day' for 24 hours.


i graduated from cake decorating class. a good friend pointed out that the only 'diploma' of mine she's seen is this one. i made a bigger deal about this than getting my Master's degree.



I'm pretty pumped about this school year. I haven't really calculated anything all summer, so I'm ready. Plus, I think I have a new approach to looking at Geometric figures. Okay, I need to stop.

Summer Cake

When given the option to bring a side dish or a dessert, I'm going to bring a dessert. It's not that I can't cook, I just choose not to. I was invited to a cookout this weekend, so I wanted to bring something 'summery'. First thing that came to my mind: strawberry shortcake (that's summery AND patriotic, right?). I found a recipe from another blog that looked so good I just had a try it: Strawberry Shortcake Cake

here are some highlights of my baking experience

I sifted for the first time. I usually skip this, but I figured, go big or go home. ya know?

Isn't she (my mixer) a beauty?

The cake came out with a nice crispy brown outer, but yellowy fluffy inside.

I 'marinated' strawberries in sugar to use as a filling.

I made cream cheese icing for the first time. It was baller.
(I added 1/2 pound less powdered sugar than what the recipe calls for)

Finished product. The thing was LOADED with icing.

The strawberries soaked into the cake. It was mushy (but not a gross mushy) and marvelous.

Oh, and I got a new camera! Can you tell?